Family Guy Peter Craps Himself At Work
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Jazzy Family Guy Music played in the background.
The first Pics of the first adventure starts off with the screen that says 'Family Guy Presents Stewie, Brian, & Glory in'
A second pic shows a flag that says 'Road to Rhode Island'
The third shows Brian, Stewie, & Glory looking up at the night sky watching a plane at the airport.
Peter: Ah, finally, now I can get myself to the- (craps his pants) Uh-oh! Peter runs to the men's bathroom, only for him to run into Angela Angela: (seriously) There you are, Griffin. You ever run out of a meeting like that again, you're fired. Family Guy (TV Series 1999– ) Seth MacFarlane as Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Carter Pewterschmidt. Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube. Peters at work, has food poisoning, trying to get through a board meeting without pooping.finally the meeting lets out and he's sideways walking holding his butt trying to get to the bathroom.and coworkers kept interrupting him with stupid things like pledge forms and stuff. Then, he soils himself.
The fourth shows them in front of a brick wall with a light shining on them. They were definintely surrounded by the cops.
The fifth shows them climbing a mountain and Brian seems to be stuck.
The sixth shows the trio having a train pump car ride on the train tracks.
The seventh shows them running out of a house as the sun was rising.
The eighth shows Brian flying a kite and Glory was hanging onto the kite as Stewie laughs.
The ninth shows Stewie trying to get a camel to move while Brian sits on it.
The tenth shows them parachuting down from an airplane.
And the final one shows them with hats that barbershop quartets wear.
(Austin, Texas)
Our story begins somewhere near Austin, Texas 7 years ago. The place where Brian was born. Inside the barn were dogs in cages. Inside one of the cages was Brian and his mom, Biscuit, feeding were puppies.
Brian: Excedrin headache number one: puppy mill.
Brian couldn't get the jar to open.
Brian: Grr Damn. Hey, uh, does anyone here have thumbs? A-Anyone? No?
One of Brians siblings wanted to play with him.
Brian: Agh! Sorry, I-I don't play.
The puppy jumped onto Brian.
Brian: Hey, come on! Knock it off!
The puppy went back to his mommy and Brian followed.
Brian: Hey, how's the flow today?
The farmer picked up Brian and walked out of the farm.
Brian: HEY HEY HEY! WHOA WHOA! HEY MOM! MOM DO SOMETHING! MOM! MOM HELP! MOM!
Biscuit was sad to see Brian go.
(7 years later)
Brian was at his therapist explaining his past while smoking.
Brian: And that was the last time I ever saw her.
Therapist: Well Brian, I-I think we've stumbled upon the root of your problems. You have adandonment issuses. You need to confront your mother and deal with this.
Brian: What are you, crazy? For God sake, my eyes were barely open. She just-She just gave me away.
Brian placed his cigarette into the ashtray.
Brian: Well, it's her loss, right? Yeah! I turned out great. Huh? Am I right? RIGHT? YEAH! YEAH YOU BET YOUR ASS I'M RIGHT!
He positioned his arm on the table for arm wrestling.
Brian: YOU-YOU WANNA ARM WRESTLE? COME ON! RIGHT NOW! COME ON!
Therapist: Brian, have you been drinking?
Brian: No.
Brian breathes into his hand and sniffs his breath.
(Griffin House)
The Griffin family were in the kitchen having breakfast together.
Lois: Brian, you really seem to be enjoying your wine lately.
Brian: Only my second glass.
Brian drinks a Big Gulp.
Chris: Dad? If bad men broke into the house, and they had guns, and they put a gun up to your head, and made you choose who you wanted to live, me or Meg, who'd you choose?
Peter: Uh ask ya mom. I'm not very good with tough decisions.
(Flashback)
Inside a video store, Peter was trying to choose which movie to buy or rent. 'Ernest goes to the Beach' or 'Ernest doesn't go to the Beach'
Manager: We'll be closing in two minutes.
Peter whined about making a decision in two minutes.
(Reality)
Lois: Oh I could never choose. I love all my children equally. It's hard enough having Stewie all the way in Palm Springs visiting Grammy and Grandpa.
(Pewterschmidt Mansion)
Babs and Stewie had just finished eating breakfast. So the maid's picking up the dishes.
Babs: Give Nana a big hug, sweetheart.
During the hug, Stewie sneakly took grandma's necklace and threw it into the maid's pocket.
Stewie: Well, that should guarentee some after-dinner entertainment.
(Griffin House)
Lois was packing up for her trip to pick up Stewie. And entering her room was Brian and Peter and Lois' adopted daughter Glory Griffin.
Glory is 14 years old. She has long black hair, a purple top, blue jeans, and black shoes.
Brian: Lois, uh, I was thinking. Wh-Why don't Glory and I fly out to Palm Springs and pick up Stewie?
Lois: Really?
Brian: Yeah! Trip like this is just what I need to clear my head.
Glory: Yeah! And plus, I wanna go too because I feel like I could use a little trip myself. So can I go with Brian, mom?
Lois: Well of course you can, Glory. That would be wonderful. It'll give me time to catch up on my reading. (Sigh) Usually there are so many distractions.
(Flashback)
At night, Lois was reading while Peter tries to shoot a fly. She got distracted when Peter fired his gun twice.
Peter: Come into my home, will ya?
He shot his gun three times, but still misses the fly.
Peter: I'll show you, you freakin' bastard.
He shot one last time and still missed.
(Reality)
Brian and Glory got out of the cab to pick up Stewie. Just as they walk up the stoop stairs, they saw the police taking the maid away. They arrested her for stealing Babs' necklace.
Glory: Stewie had so framed that woman.
Brian: Oh yeah.
They both entered the mansion.
Babs: Glory!
Glory: Grandma!
The two hugged.
Babs: It's so wonderful to see you.
They broke off the hug.
Glory: Sorry I can't stay for very long, Grandma. We're here to pick up Stewie.
Babs turned to the stairs and called for Stewie.
Babs: Stewie, gather your things. Time to go.
Stewie walked downstairs with his backpack and Rupert.
Stewie: Well it's about bloody time! Y...
Stewie paused to see Glory and Brian.
Stewie: That idiot slattern sent the beauty and the doggy beast? Oh-Oh, Well! Well! This is-this is-this is oh oh uh... Don't even get me started. I-I-I-I-I mean really. What I really think that of-of... of-of of the times that THAT woman has... Oh I wouldn't even begin to-to-to-
Glory: You comin' or what?
Stewie: Fine.
(Griffin House)
While Peter was watching television, Lois came into the living room with a video cassette in her hands.
Lois: Peter, guess what I just got. A relationship video. The infomercial said this tape will help us communicate better as a couple.
Peter: Lois, when did we ever had trouble communicating?
(Flashback)
Peter and Lois were standing close to each other while watching the sun set.
Lois: Oh, Peter. I love you.
Peter checked his watch.
Peter: Eh, about a quarter past five.
(Reality)
Peter: Oh, okay Lois. I'll make ya a deal. We'll watch the tape, but uh you gotta do somethin' for me.
Lois: Okay. What?
Peter: Do that Katharine Hepburn impression for me. A-And Philadelphia story Hepburn. N-Not anyone of that head-on-a-slinky Golden Pond stuff.
(Palm Springs Airport)
The trio waited at Gate #8.
Brian: Wait here at the gate, Stewie. I gotta run a quick errand.
Glory: And I'm going to the restroom, so watch our stuff.
Stewie: Alright, Alright.
After giving Stewie the bags, Glory and Brian left and Stewie sat down with Rupert. A man noticed Stewie and approached him.
Guy: Aren't you a little young to be traveling alone?
Stewie: Aren't you a little old to be wearing braces?
The guy covered his mouth and felt ashamed. At a bar, Brian was so drunk, he spun around in his chair.
Woman: I think you've had about enough.
Brian: Well I... I think you're wrong, you increasingly attractive-looking woman. Ya know, y-you're very pretty.
Woman: (Blushes) Oh stop.
Brian: No-No I'm serious. Y-You could be in magazines. Y-You could. A-And not just like Jugs or... or Creamsicle.
She was so annoyed, she left.
Brian: CALL ME!
He turned his attention to the bartender.
Brian: She won't call.
Glory and Stewie came into the bar and found Brian.
Glory: (Sarcasm) Wow! This is new. Another episode of 'The Drunken Dog' starring Brian Griffin.
Brian: I-I'm not drunk. I-I feel fine.
He puked behind the counter.
Brian: Ok maybe I got a stomach virus.
He fell out of his chair.
Brian: A-And an inner ear infection.
Announcer: Flight 85 to providence. Final boarding.
Stewie: Ooohh! At last.
Glory: Come on. Let's go.
Stewie: Right!
After Glory left the bar, Stewie tried to lure Brian with an olive on a stick.
Stewie: Yes, Yes. Come now. Chase the stick.
Brian crawled his way after the olive out of the bar. By the time Stewie and Brian got back to the gate, Glory had her arms crossed.
Glory: Uh, Stewie? Mind telling me where the bags are?
Stewie: What the deuce you're talking about? They're right behind you.
Glory moved out the way and behind her was just Rupert.
Glory: Explain this.
Stewie: (Gasp) RUPERT! I told you to watch the bags! You were watching the boys again, weren't you? It's that steward, isn't it? The one who looks like Tab Hunter. Oh, forget it. Let just get on the bloody plane and go home.
Brian: Our tickets were in the bags.
Glory: Well that's just great!
Announcer: Flight 85 to providence is now departing.
Stewie: That's not going to stop me.
Glory: What are you gonna do?
Stewie: Observe, sis!
Stewie ran to a baby stroller, got into it, and put the old baby out.
Mom: HEY!
She put Stewie out and put her baby back in. After that, the mom and the other passengers went on board the plane.
Glory: That didn't work at all.
Stewie: (Sarcasm) Oh really?!
(Motel)
The trio stayed in a motel for the night and Stewie tried to help drunken Brian.
Glory: This will do for now. We should be able to sleep here for the night.
Stewie: Very well then. Let's not dilly dally, Brian. Get Lois on the phone and tell her we're spending the night.
Brian: AUAUAhasdaskifasdfasdmadloh!
And with that, Brian literally falls asleep.
Stewie: Damn it.
Stewie turned to Glory.
Stewie: A little help here?
Glory was just enjoying the bed.
Glory: Nah, I'm good.
Stewie groaned before realizing Brian's legs apart.
Stewie: (Sarcasm) Oh, that's pretty.
He covered Brian's crotch with a lamp shade. After that, he went over to the phone.
Glory: Little bro, what are you doing?
Stewie: I'm calling Lois.
Stewie picked up the phone.
Stewie: The dog's not going to tell her we're spending the night, so we're telling her ourselves. Oh, hello operator? Hello? Oh that's right. You've got to punch in the numbers now a days. Alright Glory, what's the number?
Glory was so silent, she kept a blank expression.
Stewie: You know the number, right?
Glory: Yeah, well ummmmm? I may have forgotten our home number.
Stewie: WHAT! WHAT THE HELL?
Glory: Hey, don't look at me. Your 'so called' great ideas weren't any good so far.
Stewie: (Sigh) Oh well. There's only one way to do this.
Stewie dialed in different phone numbers.
Stewie: 111-1111. Lois? Damn. 111-1112. LOIS? DAMN! 111-1113.
Glory: Zero.
Stewie: What?!
Glory: Zero comes before one.
As Glory kept a smirk on her face, Stewie gave her a blank angry look with the phone shaking in his hand.
Stewie: 000-0000.
(Griffin House)
In their bedroom, Lois and Peter were prepared to watch their tape.
Lois: 'A way with words in marriage for couples who communicate not good.'
She placed the tape in the VCR.
Peter: Oh, come on, Lois. This is gonna be worse than that time we had to sit through your uncle Jerry's snuff film.
(Flashback)
Peter, Lois, and a few relatives were all watching a film.
Peter: (Whisper) Are-Are they really gonna kill that girl?
Lois: (Whisper) Peter, please! People are tryin' to watch.
(Reality)
Lois: Just give it a chance.
After pressing play, the video started and Lois laid down next to Peter.
Amanda: Hello. I'm Doctor Amanda Rebecca. By purchasing this video, you've taken the first step towards strengthening your relationship through better communication. I'd like to start by asking the women to leave the room, because this part of the tape is for men only. We'll see you in a little while.
Lois: I can see this is gonna be very intense. Phew have fun.
And with that, Lois left.
Amanda: Make sure your wife is out of the room.
Lois was heard closing the door.
Peter: Check.
Amanda took off her glasses, scrunchie, and waved her hair.
Amanda: So, you wanna talk or do you want me to take my top off?
Peter's eyes widened as Amanda took off her jacket.
Amanda: That's what I thought. Oh, man!
She unbuttoned her shirt and revealed to be wearing a black bra.
Amanda: You're making me so hot. I hope you like big breasts, because mine are soooo big, this itty bra can barely contain them.
She unhooked her bra.
Amanda: Do you wanna see more?
Peter: Yes, please.
She puts her top back on and fixed her hair.
Amanda: Then, you'll have to order my next tape.
Peter: DAMN IT.
(Motel)
Back at the Motel, Brian, Stewie, and Glory were sleeping in the same bed. Glory and Stewie heard some voices next door.
Guy 1: You got the stuff?
Guy 2: Yeah. I got it. Where's the money, huh? I wanna see the money.
Guy 1: No no no. You don't see the money till I see the stuff.
Stewie: Oh God. Glory, you might wanna duck your head for this one. HE'S WEARING A WIRE.
They both ducked their heads.
Guy 1: WHAT!? YOU SON ON A BITCH!
The first guy shot the second guy. The gunshots came through the trio's wall. After the second guy fell, Stewie yawned and went back to sleep.
Glory: Oh my God.
(Morning)
In bed, Brian was licking Glory while she was sleeping.
Glory: Oh yeah, that's it.
She opened her eyes and saw Brian licking her face.
Glory: Hey wha... WHAT THE HELL! AAAUUUGGHH!
She fell out of the bed and became unconscious. The phone rings and woke up Stewie.
Stewie: (Yawn) I got it.
He fell out of bed and got back up. Stewie then grabbed a hot steamer or something and burned his hand.
Stewie: Hello... AAAUUUGH! OHOHO! OH! DAMN IT! A PUS-SPEWING (Bleep)ing BLOOD-GUTTED HELL! AAUUGH!
He picked up the real phone.
Stewie: WHAT? What do you mean our credit card was declined? Oh-no-no-no-no! There no need to come up. We'll, we'll...
The manager hung up.
Stewie: Oh! BLAST!
Glory sat up and regained her consciousness.
Glory: Ugh! What's going on?
Stewie: No time. Get dressed.
As Stewie gets dressed, he fell.
Stewie: Damn it.
After getting dressed, they were ready to go.
Stewie: Ok. Let's go.
He started running to the door but Glory stopped him.
Glory: Wait!
Stewie: What?
Glory: We need Brian.
Stewie noticed Brian was still asleep.
Stewie: Oh, oh, yes. Right.
They rushed towards the bed.
Stewie: Come on Brian, GET UP! Go for a ride in the car?
Glory: Uh, uh, would you like a treat boy?
Stewie tried slapping Brian, Glory tried poking him with a hanger, but nothing worked. So now they're trying to pull him out of bed.
Stewie: Ready? 1, 2, 3.
Instead, they slid under the bed.
Stewie: BLAST!
Stewie found a penny under the bed.
Stewie: Ohh, a penny.
Glory: STEWIE!
Stewie: Sorry.
They put Brian in the shower and turned the water on him before Stewie slapped him awake.
Stewie: Wake up!
Brian: Huh what? what? Oh, my head! Oh God, what are we doing here?
Stewie: Oh, we needed a weekend away from the kids. You know just the three of us. WE ALL HAVE TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
Glory: Stewie, you still didn't tell me why we have to leave so fast.
There was a knock on the door.
Manager: Motel Manager. Open Up. Or I'll hit you with this blunt instrument I use to hit deadbeats with bad credit cards. Well, it's not an instrument. It's more of an object, but it's blunt. Hard and blunt. And well, it's kinda like a bat. I found it out back one day when I was raking.
Glory: Oh, that's why.
Stewie: Let's go.
They snuck out the back window and ran towards a parking lot.
Stewie: Alright, we gonna need some Wheels.
They stopped between a yellow SUV and a blue car.
Brian: This one's unlock.
Glory: Yeah, let's take it.
Stewie: An SUV? We're escaping from the law not driving to soccer practice. Let's take this one.
Brian: Why? Cause you like that color?
Stewie: What's wrong with the color?
Brian: I-I don't know. It seems so dark.
Stewie: Yes but...
Glory: I don't think that we...
Brian: It's sooo..
Stewie: Y-you know what? This conversation's not working out. Perhaps we should try another lot.
The manager looked out the back window.
Brian: Sold.
And with that, they hurried up and got in. Stewie in the passenger seat, Brian at the wheel, and Glory in the back.
Glory: What are you waiting for Brian? Hot-wire this thing and get us outta here.
Brian: Hot-wire? I don't even pump my own gas.
Stewie: Oh, for God's sake. I got it.
As Stewie hot wires the car, the manager was getting closer, allowing Glory to duck her head.
Brian: Hurry up.
Glory: Here he comes.
Stewie succeeded and a song played.
Brian: You did it.
Brian turned off the radio.
Stewie: Wait put it back. I love that song.
The manager began running towards the car.
Glory: No time. Punch it.
They got away and the manager wasn't fast enough to catch them.
Glory: You know, so far, this is not how I imagined this trip to turn out.
Brian: Look, let's just, let's just not mention this to Lois, okay?
Stewie: Ohhh! Somebody's irritable.
Brian: Look you guys, I-I just need some time to think, alright?
Stewie: Yes, yes, you've got lots to think about. Haven't you? Getting Drunk, Grand Theft Auto...
Brian: You left out the part where I made you smash your head in the windshield.
Stewie: I don't remember that.
Brian stopped the car and Stewie got his head smashed against the windshield.
Stewie: Yes. Well. I suppose I walked right into that one.
Moments later, they made a stop to call home.
Lois: Hello?
Brian: Hey, Lois. It's Brian.
Glory: Give us the phone.
Brian kept his hand up to keep Glory away from the phone.
Lois: Brian! We were just on our way to the airport. Is everything okay?
Brian: Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine. The three of us traded in our plane tickets for train tickets. And yes, you can do that.
Brian kept Glory away from the phone while keeping his foot on Stewie to make sure he doesn't get up.
Glory: Give us the damn phone, Brian.
Brian: Glory's just a bit cranky that we're not home yet, and Stewie say he loves you.
Stewie: NO I DON'T! I DESPISE THAT WOMAN!
Brian: He really misses your hugs and kisses, by the way.
Stewie: YOU SUCK!
Brian: See you in three days.
He hung up the phone.
Brian: (Sigh) Let's go.
They were about to walk back to the car before seeing cops snooping around their car.
Brian: Oh crap. We gotta disappear, and quick.
A huge truck passed by them.
Brian: Maybe we should've jumped on that truck.
Glory: (Sarcasm) Ya think?!
(Griffin House)
After Lois hung up the phone, Peter came in with a video cassette.
Lois: The kids and Brian are taking a train home.
Peter: Lois, can we not talk about curtains for two seconds. I got another one of those relationship tapes.
Lois took the tape and read the price.
Lois: $49.95? That's three times as much as the first one.
Peter: Lois, our relationship cannot be measured in nipples and dimes. Uh, I mean nickles and boobs. Money. I'll be upstairs.
Peter ran upstairs, leaving Lois behind. After Lois went upstairs, she opened her room door.
Lois: Peter why are you so...
Peter was naked.
Peter: GET OUT. THIS IS THE PART JUST FOR THE MEN.
Lois looked bugged-eyed after closing the door.
(Farm)
On a farm, the trio found a plane.
Stewie: I say there's a plane.
Brian: Yeah! And if there's a plane, there's probably a pilot. And if there's a pilot, there must be a bar. I could finally get a drink.
The trio ran towards the plane and found the farmer putting down a sign that says 'Pilot Wanted'
Farmer: I don't trust you. You put your seed in my daughter's belly. You're fired.
Pilot: But Pa, you can't fire me.
Farmer: You're lucky you're my brother, too. Otherwise, I kill you.
After the pilot walked off looking glum, the trio approached the farmer.
Brian: Uh e-excuse me sir. Uh, I'm an experience pilot. You can trust us completely. My friend here's too young to put a seed in your daughter's belly. My other friend here is the same gender as your daughter. And I am a different species.
Farmer: You're hired.
Brian started the plane. And after giving each other a thumbs up, they started to fly, but the cows in their way broke the wings off.
Brian: OH BULL (Bleep)!
Since flying a plane didn't work, the trio decided to travel on the road in a wagon with mexicans.
Glory: I fell so uncomfortable.
Stewie: I do too.
Brian went up to a mexican guyto speak spanish.
Brian: Hola! Um... me, me llamo es Brian. Ahh, uh, um... let's see, uh, nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.
Migrant Worker: Hey, that was pretty good, but actually when you said, 'Me llamo es Brian,' you don't need the 'es', just 'me llamo Brian'.
Brian: Oh, you speak English!
Migrant Worker: No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You... you're kidding, right?
Migrant Worker: Que?
Brian saw a sign that says Austin. He speaks spanish again so the trio can stop where they are.
Stewie: Why the hell did we get off right here?
Brian: My mother lives in Austin. Don't you guys see? Fate has givin' me a chance to find my mother and make peace with her.
Glory: Your mother? 8 miles?
Glory pointed to the direction behind her.
Glory: That way?
Brian: Yes.
Stewie: Okay, so-so let me see if I got this straight. You got us off the wagon just to show and tell us this. A-And now that we're off the wagon, we now have to walk there?
Brian: Uh, yeah pretty much.
Stewie: Well you know what that means, right?
Brian: (Sigh) Yeah.
On their way to Austin, Stewie was riding on Brian's back like a horse.
Glory: How come you get to ride Brian?
Stewie: Because I'm a baby. I'm the lightest.
(Austin, Texas)
The trio had finally made it to the farm where Brian was born from, and they heard some barking from the barn next to them. They then approached the farmer on the front porch.
Brian: Hello Luke.
Luke: Uh, have we met?
Brian: My name's Brian. I was born here.
Luke: Sorry son. Lots of dogs were born here. Refresh my memory. Which one were you again?
Brian: I was the one who could talk.
Luke: Brian! Come on in! And bring your friends.
They all entered the house.
Luke: Betty, look who it is.
Luke's wife came in the room.
Betty: Is that Brian?
Brian: Yeah, it's me.
Betty: Oh, and I see you brought some friends!
Glory: Hello! I'm his friend, Glory. And this is my brother, Stewie.
Betty: Awww, ain't you a cute little thang. I bet you're a hungry little fella.
Stewie: Yes, and I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull. NOW CHANGE ME!
Brian: Luke uh... I've been thinking a lot about my mother lately. And uh...
Luke: Oh, she was a good dog.
Brian: 'Was'?
Glory: (Gasp)
Brian: Y-you mean?
Luke: Last year. She went real peaceful.
Brian: Oh! I see.
Glory: My God, Brian! I'm so sorry.
Brian: I-It's all right, Glory. She probably wouldn't wanna see me anyway.
Luke: That's not true. Buscuit loved all her puppies.
Betty started changing Stewie's diaper.
Stewie: (Chuckle) Buscuit.
Luke: Brian, your momma gave you up because she thought you'd have a better life when she let you go. Was she right, son? Do you have a good life?
Brian: Yeah! I-I really do. I have a great life.
He turned to Glory.
Brian: And friends.
Glory: Aww, thanks Brian!
Luke: Would ya'll like to see her?
Glory: Huh?
Brian: 'See her'? I-I don't understand.
Luke brought Brian and Glory into the living room.
Luke: Well Brian, we loved Biscuit so much, we wanted to keep her always. So we had her stuffed.
Brian and Glory were shocked.
Brian: (Gasp) Mom!
Glory: Oh no.
Stewie came into the room.
Stewie: Well, I say, someone must've said a funny, because your mother's in stitches! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, I'll leave you to grieve.
Luke: Come on, Betty. Let get these kids some sandwiches.
Stewie looked at a picture on the wall.
Stewie: Look at Jesus standing in over there all by himself. You'd think those bulldogs would invite him to their card game.
Brian can't stand seeing his mom like this.
Glory: Now I'm even more sorry, Brian.
Brian: I know. She deserves better than this. Glory give me a hand.
They both took the stuff off of Buscuit.
Stewie: You know, I had a dream like this once. Except the stuffed figure was Lois.
Brian: Shut up and help us. I'm not leaving her like this.
Glory: We do need you're help, Stewie. And no offense to you Brian, but your mom is pretty heavy.
On the trail, they carried Buscuit to a place to bury her. While on the trail, Stewie broke her tail.
Brian: (Gasp)
Glory facepalmed.
Stewie: Oh relax, Brian. Old girl doesn't have too much to wag about these days anyway.
(Griffin House)
In the kitchen, Meg and Chris were having lunch.
Chris: Hey Meg. Try and guess what word I'm thinking of right now. And it's not 'kitty'.
Meg: (Sigh) Car.
Chris: No.
Meg: I dunno. Apple?
Chris: Try again.
Meg: I give up.
Chris: It was kitty. HAHAHAHAHA.
Peter came in the room.
Lois: Peter, isn't there-
Peter noticed the new tape on the table.
Peter: Oh my God, the new video. Ohhh, life is sweet.
Peter went upstairs. In the video, Amanda has no shirt, or skirt. Just underwear and her bra.
Amanda: How bout some whipped cream?
Peter enjoys staring at her.
Peter: Ooohh! That's always good.
Amanda: And some cinnamon.
Peter: (Gasp) Oh! That's good too.
Amanda: And then guess what. I'm going to add...
Peter: Oh Geez, if she says Mrs. Dash, I'm gonna lose it.
Amanda: We're going to add...
Lois cut herself into the tape.
Lois: Peter!
Peter: AGH!
Lois: I know what you've been doing here, and I'm very upset with you.
Peter: Wow! Usually beautiful women don't turn back into you until after I'm finished.
Lois: These tapes were suppose to be about communication. I mean if you really wanted to see a woman acting nasty...
Lois took off her robe.
Lois: You shoulda told me.
Peter: Oh God, this is freakin' hot.
Lois: Turn around.
She was behind him.
Peter: Lois!? I swear, she means absolutely nothing to me.
Lois: It's ok, Peter.
Peter: Yeah?
Lois: I was tryin' to be sexy for ya.
Peter: Ooohh! Come here you.
They began making out while Peter rewinds the tape.
Lois: You shoulda told me.
And again.
Lois: You shoulda told me.
Family Guy Peter Craps Himself At Work Meme
And again.
(Mini-Mart)
They continued to carry Buscuit until they've stopped in front of a store.
Brian: Wait here, guys. I'm gonna get directions to the nearest park so we can give my mother a proper burial.
After Brian went inside, Stewie decided to make a joke.
Stewie: Come on, darling. Stiff upper lip. HAHAHAHA!
Glory: HAHAHAHA! Okay, I know it's wrong to laugh at the dead, but that was pretty funny. You gotta write that down.
Stewie: Oh I will. I will.
(Park)
At the park, Brian dug a hole for his mother and they put her in.
Brian: (Sigh) Say someting, Stewie.
Stewie: What?
Brian: Just-Just say something, please!
Stewie: Oh for God's sake!
Brian and Glory bowed their heads.
Stewie: Um, uh, yea, and God said to Abraham, 'You will kill your son lsaac.' And Abraham said, 'I can't hear you. You'll have to speak into the microphone.'
Glory opened her eyes and slowly turned to Stewie.
Stewie: And God said, 'Oh, I'm sorry. Is this better? Check. Check. Check. Jerry, pull the high end out. I'm still getting some hiss back here.'
Glory: What the Hell's the matter with you? He wants you to say something about his mother!
Stewie: Oh, yes. I'm sorry.
She bowed her head again.
Stewie: Um? I never knew Biscuit as a dog, but I did know her as a table.
Glory facepalmed and Brian turned to Stewie.
Stewie: She was sturdy, all four legs the same length...
Brian: Thanks. Thanks. That's enough.
Stewie: Yes, yes. Requiem and terra pax, and so forth. Amen.
Brian covered his mom in the dirt. Good-bye Biscuit. At night, the trio were traveling back home by train.
Brian: Wow, look at all those stars.
Glory: Yeah, they're quite beautiful. Think your mom's pretty happy up there, don't you think?
Brian: Oh yeah!
Stewie: You know, I've read that starlight gives you cancer. Then again, what doesn't these days?
Glory: Uh, I'm gonna say batteries.
Stewie: Oh, and what about bananas?
Glory: Eh, they're all right.
Brian: Listen guys, there's something I've been meaning to tell you both. It's not easy for me to say.
Stewie: Holy crap, he's coming on to us, Glory.
Glory started freaking out.
Glory: Brian, I swear. I love you as a friend, and nothing else.
Brian: No guys. I-I wanted to thank you both for everything you two did today. You guys helped me close an important chapter in my life. And now I can move on. And I'm sorry if this whole trip was a mess.
Glory: Come on, Brian. It wasn't all that bad. I have to admit. They had been some moments that were...
Music played.
Glory: Dare I say fun?
Stewie, Brian, and Glory: 'We're off on the road to Rhode Island' 'We're having the time of our lives'
Stewie: 'Take it, dog'
Brian: 'We're quite a pair of partners, just like Thelma and Louise' 'Cept you're not six feet tall'
Stewie: 'Oh yes, and your breasts don't reach your knees'
Brian: 'Give it time'
Stewie, Brian, and Glory: 'We're off on the road to Rhode Island' 'We're certainly going in style'
Glory: 'We're with an intellectual who craps inside his pants'
Stewie: 'How dare you! At least I don't leave urine stains on all the household plants'
Brian: 'Oh, pee jokes'
Stewie, Brian, and Glory: 'We've travelled a bit and we've fou-ou-ound' 'Like a masochist in Newport, we're Rhode Island bound'
Brian: 'Crazy travel conditions, huh?'
Glory: 'First class'
Stewie: 'And no class'
Brian: 'Whoa, careful with that joke, it's an antique'
Stewie, Brian, and Glory: 'We're off on the road to Rhode Island' 'We're not gonna stop 'till we're there'
Brian: 'Maybe for a beer' 'Whatever dangers we may face, we'll never fear or cry'
Stewie: 'That's right, until we're syndicated, Fox will never let us die' 'Please?'
Stewie, Brian, and Glory: 'We're off on the road to Rhode Island' 'The home of that old campus swing'
Brian: 'We may pick up some college girls and picnic on the grass'
Glory: 'Uhuhm, we'd tell you more, but we would have the censors on our ass'
Brian: 'Yikes'
Stewie, Brian, and Glory: 'We certainly do get arou-ou-ound' 'Like a bunch of renegade pilgrims who are thrown out of Plymouth Colony' 'We're Rhode Island bound' 'Or like a group of college freshmen who were rejected by Harvard and forced to go to Brown' 'We're Rhode IIIISLAAAAND BOOOOuuuund'
The song finishes as the train travels through the night.
(Griffin House)
Lois and Meg put up a sign that says 'Welcome Back Stewie, Brian, & Glory'. They've just finished before Peter came in the house.
Peter: Look who I found at the train station!
The trio came in.
Lois: My babies!
Glory: Hi mom.
Lois hugged both her children.
Glory: We've missed you so much.
Lois: Did you two have a nice trip with Brian?
Stewie: Oh yes. It was alright.
Glory: It was one of the best trips we've ever had.
Lois: That's terrific. Oh, I'm so glad you're home now.
The trio were left alone.
Brian: Hey guys.
Glory: Yeah?
Brian: Thanks for not ratting me out. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you both?
Stewie: Why yes. You remember that episode of The Brady Bunch where Bobby saved Greg's life, and Greg became his slave?
Brian: Yeah?
Stewie: It's on this afternoon. You can tape it for us.
Family Guy Peter Craps Himself At Work Full
Glory: Oh and Brian, put a nice label on it too.
Family Guy Peter Craps Himself At Work Youtube
After the two left, Brian sat down on the couch and read the newspaper. On the stairs, Chris came up to Meg.
Chris: Okay, Meg. I'm thinking of another word. And this time, it's definitely not kitty. Can you guess what it is?
Meg: Is it Kitty?
Chris: Uh! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUTTA MY HEEEEEAD!